Our desires for romantic
connection and dating are hardwired into us. In this increasingly digital
era, it’s easier to connect with almost anyone through the myriad of
dating sites available. This driving need for romance can introduce
a blind spot into your self-awareness. As gay men and women, we must be
hyperaware of online dating safety.
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1. Make Sure Your Dating Profile is Secure
There are many gay dating apps
available at your fingertips, and while some may have better reputations than
others, some basic rules apply when creating a dating profile.
First, use a unique and real email address to register—providing a fake one
could cause a delay in completing your profile due to email verification
policies. Creating a free email account, you use solely for dating sites may
be a better approach.
Consider also using a
free phone service like Google Voice, which has the same functionality
as your main line: all calls and texts are received through the app
keeping your true phone number confidential.
Reputable sites like eHarmony,
for example, ensure their users’ profiles are as secure as
possible.
2. Know Your Photographic Surroundings
When choosing your profile photo,
remember that scammers may scrutinize your photo for clues about your location.
Before posting, review your potential photo for clues that may
unknowingly disclose your location. No detail is too small, so use pictures with solid, empty backgrounds or taken in a location you
don’t regularly or semi-regularly.
Remember that your dating profile
will be shown to all app users, so diligence in photo selection is wise
and ensures your safety.
3. Check Privacy Settings
Each dating platform has its own
set of privacy and security settings that are enabled by default so that the app's user experience is enjoyable, intuitive, and streamlined. This means
the app could share your real-time location and proximity to others, sometimes
even on a map. To remedy this, ensure that location services are not granted to
the app so that your location is not constantly tracked.
4. Don’t Reveal Too Much
Dating is exciting, but people have bad intentions on each dating platform. You should, therefore,
avoid sharing personal details like where you work, what you do, or your
general neighborhood in your profile. It’s easy to fall into innocent small
talk after experiencing great vibes with someone. Remind yourself that you’re
simply searching for a date, so discussing intimate details of your life isn’t necessary, at least not at first.
You are in complete control of
the conversations you choose to engage in, so attempt to keep things light and
fun until you get to know the other person better.
5. Avoid Being Catfished
Catfishing is when a person
creates a fake profile to dupe users genuinely searching for love,
usually with the intent to get money out of them. In online dating, you should
be aware of these people to steer clear of. It’s easier than ever to
Google an attractive person's photo and creates a fraudulent profile. It’s so
common that MTV created an entire show around the concept.
To avoid being catfished, suggest
a quick video chat. Apps like Zoosk, for example, have live video
chat options built into the platform that doesn’t reveal your phone number, so
you can maintain your privacy.
A benefit of the pandemic is that
it has made video dating acceptable and accessible, so don’t be afraid to
suggest it. If your potential date constantly finds excuses or refuses
outright, you’re likely dealing with a scammer, and you should disengage
altogether. Furthermore, it’s a good idea to block their profile, so they
have no way of contacting you again.
6. Be Clear on Boundaries and Expectations
Let’s face it: people can be
inherently self-serving, leading to miscommunication of boundaries
and expectations. Therefore, being upfront about what you expect
to happen on your first date is essential. Is a kiss appropriate? Are you or your date
comfortable with making out at this stage? If it’s a casual hookup, are
either of you looking to have sex? Agree on acceptable behavior (such
as using protection) before meeting up, and stand firm in those
boundaries.
If your date does not respect or
honor your boundaries, this is a red flag that you should consider when
deciding if you’d like to move forward with a follow-up date.
7. Be Aware of Your Location
Gay rights may have come a long
way over the last 20 years, but not all countries are as open,
tolerant, or accepting of the lives of gay people as the United States. In
fact, in some countries, the use of gay dating apps and public displays of
affection by members of the same sex may be punishable by law.
While gay marriage is legal in
many countries, there are still places where being openly gay is met with
hostility and where the locals could resist accepting or helping us
should danger arise. Always be aware and sensitive to your location, the
country’s culture, and local laws.
8. Meet in a Public Place—and Bring a Friend!
Until this point, you’ve been
extremely careful and self-aware, weeded out all of the fake profiles, and
found someone you genuinely feel connected to. As members of the LGBTQ+
community, romance can sometimes feel elusive. This may drive us to throw all
caution to the wind when preparing to meet in person for a first date. A great
dating safety tip is to have the first few dates in a familiar, busy, well-lit
public place.
Additionally, when going on
a first date, ask a close, trusted friend if they’d be
willing to accompany you as a secret observer. Before the date,
you and your friend should establish a codeword or gesture to signal if you sense danger or feel threatened. At the end of
the date, always ensure your friend knows you’ve arrived home safely.
Pro-tip: if you ever feel
uncomfortable during your date, remember that you can end
the date and leave at any time. You do not have to remain in
a situation in which you feel tense, uncomfortable, or unsafe.
9. Just Say No and Drink Responsibly
If you enjoy the occasional use
of recreational drugs, it’s sensible to forego partaking before or during the
first few dates. Further, if your date offers you a drug, it’s wise to decline
even if it looks familiar—you never honestly know what you’re getting or what that
person’s intentions are with you.
Likewise, if you decide to go on
a date to a place that serves alcohol, try to limit the amount you drink. Know
your limits. This new person is not a trusted friend but someone you’re just getting to know, so it’s essential to remain as clear-headed and aware as
possible.
10. Take it slow
Before becoming exclusive, allow
yourself a bit of time to establish the confidence that who you’ve been dating
possesses the qualities and characteristics that you truly want. There is no
rule establishing the time this discovery process will take—you may
know instantly, or it may take a few dates.
Everyone is unique and has
different desires. While your heart may pull you toward immediate commitment,
give yourself space to take a step back and look at everything objectively.
Even if you get along famously and have much in common, taking it slow and
engaging in deeper conversations is a great way to get to know the other person
on a more fundamental level.
Conclusion
One of the primary purposes of
joining the LGBTQ+ dating scene is exposure to various new people,
places, and experiences. Enjoy this time and stay mindful and present without
any expectations. Dating, at its core, fulfills our natural human
desire for connection, and everyone deserves the reward of happy and
satisfying encounters and relationships.
While dating has no true rules, these tips can help ensure your dating experience is safe and pleasurable. It’s always fun making connections with new people but remain open, aware, and vigilant if necessary. However, if you never download that app and give it a shot, you might never experience the joy dating in the LGBTQ+ world can offer. So give it a try. Who knows? Even if romance is not the outcome, you may, at the very least, make some new friends along the way.
